a rare night out

trevor and i had a date last night.  we went out to eat and went to a movie.  my parents came to be with the kids in case we wanted to go away over night.  we decided to come home for the night but had a great time out. 
it's hard with babysitters.  i never know what the behavioral climate is going to be, and so i spend my time being anxious rather than enjoying my time with trevor.  because of that, we almost never go out.  i have to say, when i think about how rarely we go out, it makes me a little sad.  i feel better when family is here instead of a teenage girl who might get overwhelmed with the potential breakdowns.  i was thrilled they came and relieved to not have to be anxious while we were gone.

last night went well.  samuel balked at his shower- which he usually does, but my dad was able to convince him to go, and they moved through it. 

it was our 11th anniversary.  i can hardly believe we're into our second decade of marriage.  it seems like we just said our vows and started thinking of building our family.  here we are 11 years later with a full family, years down the road walking it out.  i feel like trevor and i are in a comfortable stage.  marriages go through seasons and twists and turns, and each one has its different positives and negatives.  we are in a place of comfort.  i feel easy with him.  settled.  at rest.  peaceful.  i feel cared for and thought of.  i feel secure. 

we have just started a family help group called FOCUS.  it stands for families overcoming under stress.  it is an 8 week session that helps families with tools to handle crisis and stress.  i think that given the circumstances and the ever changing landscape of our family, tools to help us navigate the growing children will be beneficial to us for years to come.  the hard part is looking at those places in our family that are weaker.  the places that we need tools to help us parent more effectively.  looking at the crises that our particular family makeup has as its DNA was challenging.  it was painful to look at the description sheet and realize that according to the definitions of each type of family that ours is considered 'injured'.  we have struggles inherent to parenting and struggles magnified by aspergers and adhd.  it translates into chaos sometimes and i am more than ready to have someone help us navigate some of these struggles with effective tools and skills.  i have a feeling it will be an emotional journey as we look at the pain in the face.  the facilitator said that one person doesn't have aspergers... the whole family does.  that statement was profound and stung a bit.  i'm looking forward to the sessions to come and to seeing how they can help us recreate and restructure some of the foundations of our family.